Tuesday 19 July 2011

Black Sludge

Hi guys

Sorry for lack of updates. I'm moving out of uni accomodation this saturday so things are stressful. Had some good times and bad times over the last couple of weeks. Unfortunately this has not affected my plucking positively.

I have realised that the vaseline counteracts the makeup i'm wearing, and lifts it off, turning it into black sludge that sits on my eyebrows >< I put makeup on this morning, followed by a thick layer of vaseline, and it hasnt gone anywhere all day. If i touch my eyebrows now, my hands still come away black and sticky. yuck! I suppose this icky feeling is a good way to stop me touching them though, but its anoying that anything sweeped over my face gives me black streaks over my skin. not sure if i'll keep doing this, but i guess no pain no eyebrows.

The left one is scarily thin, there is literally nothing there. Gonna focus on that one primarily but then again that isnt an excuse for my to guiltlessly attack the right one. Both need me to leave them alone. Get that in your head, shaz! All plucking is bad plucking!

Going to bed now...or firstly, going to take off this sludge before it stains my pillow
-shaz

Monday 4 July 2011

Not going well...

Yeah...

I've been plucking some over the past few days. I like to think i've been leaving the important ones to grow, but i guess thats not the right approach.

Anyways, gonna try alot harder this week, promise!! *gets more vaseline*. I've recently developed a liking for coffee. I hope this will occupy my hands more while i'm sat at my laptop in my room, rather than finding my fingers up on my face again. i think i pluck more when i'm just sat in my room alone doing nothing. I need to be kept busy....or atleast my fingers do.

-shaz

Monday 27 June 2011

Stressful tiems

So like, i know for a fact that stress leads to more plucking.

I have had a stressful week...this is not good when i'm supposed to be quitting my hair pulling. My luck really sucks.

Been keeping with the vaseline, but i've still plucked a few hairs, cant help it when i get like this >< Doing my best, but its uber hard.

Anyways, just wanted to post a random update. My brows are riddled with newly growing roots, so they are trying to grow back, its just a case of whether i will let them. The tiny new roots are my favourite to pluck ><

-shaz

Thursday 23 June 2011

Day 1 - Vaseline

Okay, not gonna write a long post, just to let you know i'm sticking to this, kinda..

Today went okay..plucked some 5 hairs, methinks. Not the 0 i was going for, but better than most days. I tried smothering my eyebrows in vaseline, which makes it very hard to pluck. I pluck with my fingers, btw, no tweezers, and after years of practise, i'm far too good at it. I go for the roots, which is why i have a big problem cause they never get a chance to grow back. Anyways, vaseline helps prevent me getting to the hairs. Gonna have to resuse this, definitely...Vaseline is better than wearing gloves all the time anyway.

-shaz

Wednesday 22 June 2011

Me and my problem

Hey Guys. I'm Shaz, and I have Eyebrow Trichotillomania.

I have had it for years, ever since i was 6, and i am now 19. To be blunt, i have no eyebrows left.

For those who dont know, Trichotillomania is the term used to describe the condition where people obsessively pull their own hair out. I used to pull from my scalp, but nowadays it is just my eyebrows, and i've heard it is not a very uncommon problem. That was news to me...

Its something very personal to me, and i've always dreamed of being free of it. These days i cannot go outside without making sure my eyebrows are drawn in with makeup, and i get embarrased about it very easily. I have tried many times over the years to quit, and on rare occasions have succeeded, but it has always come back, and now my eyebrows are mere thin lines with gaps everywhere. Its hurts.

I pluck more when i get stressed, and when i have no eyebrows, it stresses me out. Its a nasty vicious circle. Plucking is a coping method for me i guess. I tried counselling, but it didnt work. I only ended up talking about my crud family situation rather than my eyebrow problem. Although, its probably cause of my crud family that i get so stressed and pluck so much. Thanks mum and dad.

I hate it when people tell me to stop to. I'm going to say this now. I CANT JUST STOP. Its a habit. You dont ask someone why they bite their nails, and say 'just stop!' because newsflash, they cant! You think i'd be writing this if it was as easy as that??

And i bet some of you are thinking, whats the big deal? Its only thin eyebrows, just suck it up and get on with life? some people with illness are dying, some people in africa are starving, right? Why is my problem so big? I must be blowing it out of proportion, right?

WRONG. I dont care what problems other people have, and how big they are compared to mine. My problems are MY problems, and let me tell you, my life is a whole mess of problems. The eyebrow thing is an added anoyance compared to the rest of my current struggles. But guess what, you cant quit family.

Just imagine one day, waking up and looking in the mirror and finding no eyebrows. You're probably laughing right? Its all a joke to you. Now imagine that you did it, because of something you physically cannot control, its your fault and your stress is causing you to ruin your face, and you cant stop. No-one else worries about this, but its all you can think about, and all you want is to be able to stop, and be normal, and not worry about it. I dont want to worry about my eyebrows anymore dammit! I want to be normal, and just have normal eyebrows and get on with life without this added depression. How would you like having to draw your eyebrows in each day? Just to feel normal.

For the record, i'm a girl. Let me tell you, having no eyebrows didnt exactly do wonders for my reputation throughought my high school years.

I dont want to pluck, not anymore. Thats why i'm documenting this. I'm going to quit, starting now. No more plucking. I dont care what i have to do to make it stop, it just has to stop. I'm pretty upset just writing this stuff down, thats how badly it affects me. I cant WRITE this stuff without crying, let alone talk about it.

I'm going to blog everyday, whenever i can get online. I have to know that i'm making progress. I'm going to find other things to do to stop plucking. I need another addiction to counter this one. No-one will support me through it, cause no-one understands my problem. They say they do, but they have no idea. I'm alone, but i can do it. I'm going to ignore all the ignorant b*st*rds that tell me to just stop, and actually get to the root of this problem (yeah...pun intended). You can follow my blog, or ignore it. I dont really mind, cause i'm doing it for me, and for all fellow eyebrow trichto's. I'm going to prove that, even after plucking for 13 years, its possible to quit. I will have nice eyebrows. I will be pretty again.

Thanks.
-Shaz

*goes to get a tissue*