Me and my problem

Hey Guys. I'm Shaz, and I have Eyebrow Trichotillomania.

I have had it for years, ever since i was 6, and i am now 19. To be blunt, i have no eyebrows left.

For those who dont know, Trichotillomania is the term used to describe the condition where people obsessively pull their own hair out. I used to pull from my scalp, but nowadays it is just my eyebrows, and i've heard it is not a very uncommon problem. That was news to me...

Its something very personal to me, and i've always dreamed of being free of it. These days i cannot go outside without making sure my eyebrows are drawn in with makeup, and i get embarrased about it very easily. I have tried many times over the years to quit, and on rare occasions have succeeded, but it has always come back, and now my eyebrows are mere thin lines with gaps everywhere. Its hurts.

I pluck more when i get stressed, and when i have no eyebrows, it stresses me out. Its a nasty vicious circle. Plucking is a coping method for me i guess. I tried counselling, but it didnt work. I only ended up talking about my crud family situation rather than my eyebrow problem. Although, its probably cause of my crud family that i get so stressed and pluck so much. Thanks mum and dad.

I hate it when people tell me to stop to. I'm going to say this now. I CANT JUST STOP. Its a habit. You dont ask someone why they bite their nails, and say 'just stop!' because newsflash, they cant! You think i'd be writing this if it was as easy as that??

And i bet some of you are thinking, whats the big deal? Its only thin eyebrows, just suck it up and get on with life? some people with illness are dying, some people in africa are starving, right? Why is my problem so big? I must be blowing it out of proportion, right?

WRONG. I dont care what problems other people have, and how big they are compared to mine. My problems are MY problems, and let me tell you, my life is a whole mess of problems. The eyebrow thing is an added anoyance compared to the rest of my current struggles. But guess what, you cant quit family.

Just imagine one day, waking up and looking in the mirror and finding no eyebrows. You're probably laughing right? Its all a joke to you. Now imagine that you did it, because of something you physically cannot control, its your fault and your stress is causing you to ruin your face, and you cant stop. No-one else worries about this, but its all you can think about, and all you want is to be able to stop, and be normal, and not worry about it. I dont want to worry about my eyebrows anymore dammit! I want to be normal, and just have normal eyebrows and get on with life without this added depression. How would you like having to draw your eyebrows in each day? Just to feel normal.

For the record, i'm a girl. Let me tell you, having no eyebrows didnt exactly do wonders for my reputation throughought my high school years.

I dont want to pluck, not anymore. Thats why i'm documenting this. I'm going to quit, starting now. No more plucking. I dont care what i have to do to make it stop, it just has to stop. I'm pretty upset just writing this stuff down, thats how badly it affects me. I cant WRITE this stuff without crying, let alone talk about it.

I'm going to blog everyday, whenever i can get online. I have to know that i'm making progress. I'm going to find other things to do to stop plucking. I need another addiction to counter this one. No-one will support me through it, cause no-one understands my problem. They say they do, but they have no idea. I'm alone, but i can do it. I'm going to ignore all the ignorant b*st*rds that tell me to just stop, and actually get to the root of this problem (yeah...pun intended). You can follow my blog, or ignore it. I dont really mind, cause i'm doing it for me, and for all fellow eyebrow trichto's. I'm going to prove that, even after plucking for 13 years, its possible to quit. I will have nice eyebrows. I will be pretty again.

Thanks.
-Shaz

*goes to get a tissue*